Sporks is a column by Gordon alum bryan parys '04 and has been featured in STILLPOINT since 2006.
Installation #11: The Initial Problem
I once paid $30 dollars for a T-shirt. This isn’t like me. As a good New Englander, if I can’t get it at a thrift store on clearance, plus the storewide sale price, then I’ll happily don my city basketball league shirt I’ve had since fourth grade. And yes, it still fits perfectly.
Installation #10: You Are Here
America often strikes me as a country suffering from a combination of Alzheimer's and restless leg syndrome. We're quick to forget, and even quicker to move on.
Installation #9: Essaying The Moment, Or, Till We Have Facebook
It seems to me that FB is a collection of moments—an effluvial list of things that shout, “This is me, unedited; don’t you get it? Do you know me yet?”
Installation #8: The Slant of Truth
bryan parys must confront concepts of mystery and truth when a wrong number puts him on the spot.
Installation #7: The Dust Buster of Love
In the wake of another wedding, bryan parys spares a thought for marriage's meaning in modern life.
Installation #6: The Fold
Since moving to New Hampshire for grad school, I have been in the throes of a harrowing church search. At the end of this column you will not hear about how I've found one and am now the events planner, or floor-vacuumer, or coffee-brewer-for-Friday-Singles-Night-even-though-I-won't-actually-attend-because-I'm-married-and-phew!-at-least-I-don't-have-to-worry-about-figuring-that-one-out!
Installation #5: Do You Suffer from IBS?
Lately I've noticed that junk email has come out of its bawdy adolescence and moved into a verbose young adulthood. When I was at Gordon the messages that popped in were short and direct, causing me to quickly delete them, then look over each shoulder to make sure no one in the Jenks kiosks was around to "get the wrong idea." I figured at any moment June Bodoni, director of the Center for Technology Services (CET), would send her cronies swarming out of the helpdesk to lead me away. It was a nerve-wracking time; I was trying to hide a dark secret I didn't actually have.
Installation #3: What Would Dorothy Do?
Whenever I do dishes I can't help but wonder how biology professor Dr. Dorothy Boorse cleans her flatware. Knowing that a past student thinks about her at some point every day might seem unsettling, but I'm sure she knows this is just the price you pay for teaching environmental stewardship.
Installation 2: Something Doesn't Feel Right
I feel like a yellow jeep is stalking me. Maybe not stalking, but at least trying to get a rise out of me, playing on my fear of coincidence. I mean, I've seen this thing on my way to and from work for what feels like weeks. My friend Grant has seen it, too, making him feel like there's some truth to the fear. "It's not paranoia if they're really after you," he told me. And then--get this--I'm driving through Beverly and what do I see? A yellow jeep for sale. I know; tell me about it.
Installation #1: The Dawhmehtory
The house that we called home--our second rental since Gordon--was being derogatorily referred to as "the Dawhmehtory" (translation: dormitory). If only Terry Charek, dean of housing at Gordon could see us now. . . .